4:20 a.m : Getting up feeding the baby , within a few minutes , drifts back to sleep. In this usual simple act , my faith in God grew. 

Being a babysitter is like being a teacher cum student, at least for me. 

There's a song by Don Moen that says ," He never sleeps , He never slumbers, He never tires from hearing our prayers, when we are weak , He makes us stronger, so rest in His love and cast all of our cares on Him " 

I kept waking up in the middle of the night just to be sure the baby hadn't rolled, get all covered or maybe I had not slept on his arm. (Chuckles ) 

The last time I woke up to feed him at 4:20 a.m , the song came to mind. 

As humans, we may slumber on people's personal needs, emotional, spiritual. We get tired of "waking up " to feed them with hope, encouragement, love of Christ, forgiveness, Grace, assurance of our love and care for them. 

We may think God has slumbered because He is tired of hearing our prayers, our cries for help, change …


At times we tend to live in making decisions in our lives forgetting that our decisions should always be accepted in God's eyes as well. This is where 8 had my decisions Completely wrong simply because I did not put God forth before making my decisions
Fast forward to my story, I am a 20 year old lady turning 21 the 27th of April and a mother of a one amazing boy 13 months now. 
I have grown up as my mother's only child and I thing I would honestly admit is that she brought me up well and met all my needs. With a not so good salary never did I ever get sent home from school because of fee arrears, never did I ever run short of shopping and never did I ever run out of basic needs while in school or even shopping anytime I lacked anything she was always a phone call away.
When I cleared my form four I joined school in Nairobi to take a course Broadcast Journalism and on my final year in college is when hell broke loose for me. That same year is when my mum had just lost her job…


He had just had breakfast. He  was now cleaning his car with so much keenness and ardor.

I stared at him from my window, and thought of the many times I have seen him do this. The car has always seemed to be my father's outside baby, like the one who replaced me as the last born , kidding. 

This got me wondering if I also have an "outside " baby and I realised, yes , I do have one , my bookshelf. I will spend quality time putting the books in different designs on the shelf. Dusting the shelves and the books and flipping through the books to air them just in case there was hidden dust in them. 

My eyes still stuck on dad , my thoughts shifted back to him, and before long they were interrupted by a question in a still small voice. 

"How is your soul doing? "The voice was still, yes, but it landed on my inner ears with a bang ,almost contorting my heart.

"Bad or good? Do I even know?" I wondered ! 
How is yours doing ?


Lost in thoughts, one crossed, "there is a thin line between hatred and jealousy. "

Later in the day in a conversation with a friend, I said , " I think jealousy kills you first inside , become a ghost then kill those around you."

There sure is a thin line between jealousy and hatred. After jealousy, hatred towards the person you are jealous of develops.

One Sunday morning, the teacher of the word taught from Galatians 5:17-21

"Gal 5:21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

He asked us to go through the list from verse 19 , check where we are and ask God for mercy and deliverance .

Going through the verses , I wondered, "me jealous "?

Deep down I must confess I have once struggled with sin of jealousy . It destroyed so many beautiful things , no , I destroyed so many beautiful things …


,"Who are you? " It sounded like someone was standing in front of me and asking this , but no , it was a question I heard in my inner ears. I knew it was God.

How comes God couldn’t recognize His daughter, had I changed or something? This question bugged me ,the ache deepened with the echo of this question in my heart , tears trickled. I wanted to fall on my knees. This incident reminded me of Paul the apostle back then when he was Soul persecuting Christians and one day on his walk God asks him , "Why are you persecuting my people? "

I knew I had become what God couldn’t recognize . Was I living a lie , or what exactly had I turned into? I knew something was missing,and I had become like a stranger in God's garden. 

When God asked Adam and Eve ,"Where are you?" Don't you think God knew where they were, He sees everywhere. But this simply meant they had departed from their place of communion with God. 

Where are you? Have you departed from your communi…